Sneak a peak in my window, as a witness in my pursuit of constant happiness.

This blog is my repository of valuable finds while beach combing the sands of the webbie shore.
Of things that make laugh, of things that make me ponder and of the things that lead to more answers than questions.
All that is posted here are for the jolly and the light-hearted, no time for DRAMA, no time for SOB stories.
Only laughter and chuckles are allowed in here, guffaws are accepted though.


Home » Archives » 23. June 2007

Crikey Billionaire

June 23, 2007

A rather eccentric billionaire had a very weird hobby, he had loved alligators ever since he was boy, so now that he had the money, he built a huge pool and had it filled with the creatures.

His daughter grew up and she was very beautiful. The old eccentric threw a huge party for all the eligible bachelors of the area to come to.

"I grew up tough," he told them as he brought them all to assembly by the pool of alligators,"and I want my daughter to have a husband who will be like me, fearless, willing to strike out, ready for anything. Nothing less will do for my daughter, so, whatever one of you can get in that pool, and swim through those alligators to the other side, he will win not only her hand in marriage but will inherit my billion pound business."

Suddenly there is a splash and everyone rushed forward to see a chap swimming for all his might through the raging alligators.

He emerges from the pool to great cheers and, with his best tux torn to shreds, blood mingling with the pools of water at his feet he stands breathing hard and looking every inch the warrior the billionaire wants for his daughter.

"My son-in-law to be has been found!" the billionaire shouts and rushes round the pool towards him followed by everyone else.

"Put it there!" he says to the young man and grasps his hand, "you will have my daughter, you will have my businesses, you will have all of my wealth!"

"Listen, I don't want your daughter, I don't want your businesses, I don't want your wealth. ALL I WANT IS THE B****** WHO THREW ME IN!"

Posted by matadoc at 11:55 pm | permalink | Add comment

Nice Migraine

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches.
When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his
poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his
migraines and STILL no improvement.

"Listen," says the Doctor, "I have migraines, too and the advice I'm
going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school,
but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have
a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a
while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can
stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I
get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is
killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the
headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and
see me in six weeks."

Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "Doc! I took
your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for
17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!"

"Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help."

"By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "you have a REALLY nice house."

Posted by matadoc at 11:51 pm | permalink | Add comment

Where’s my Rolex?

One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the driver's side door with him standing right there. "NOOO!" he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it never would be the same. Finally, a cop came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling. "MY JAGUAR DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!!!" he exclaimed. "Your a lawyer aren't you?" asked the policeman. "Yes, I am, but what does this have to do with my car?!?!" the lawyer asked. "HA! Your lawyers are always so materialistic. All you care about is your possessions. I bet you didn't even notice that your left arm is missing did you?" the cop said. The lawyer looked down at his side and exclaimed "MY ROLEX!"

Posted by matadoc at 3:36 am | permalink | Add comment