PEACH TIGHTENING MASK
1 Peach, ripe, peeled, pitted
1 Egg white
Whip the peach and egg white together in a blender until smooth. Gently pat the mixture all over your face. Relax for 30 minutes, then rinse it off with cool water.
APPLE MASK FOR NORMAL SKIN
1 Apple, cored & quartered
2 T Honey
Drop the apple pieces into a food processor and chop. Add honey and refrigerate for 10 minutes. Pat the mixture onto your face with a light tapping motion, tapping until the honey feels tacky. Leave it on for 30 minutes and then rinse.
CUCUMBER MASK FOR OILY SKIN
1/2 Cucumber
1 Egg white
1 T Lemon juice
1 tsp mint
Puree everything and refrigerate for 10 minutes. Apply the mixture to your face and leave it on for 15 minutes. Rinse with warm, then cool water.
STRAWBERRY DRAWING MASK
1/2 c Strawberries, very ripe
1/4 c Cornstarch
Mix strawberries and cornstarch together to make a paste and apply it to your face, avoiding the delicate area around your eyes. Leave it on for 30 minutes and then rinse it off with cool water.
CITRUS FRESHNER
2 cups boiling water
1 vitamin C (a preservative)
Lemon peel (zest) from 2 lemons
Dissolve the vitamin in water. In a glass bowl put the lemon zest and pour the water over them. Let it sit over night. Remove the zest and put in a spray bottle. You can use any type of citrus peel.
BLEMISHED SKIN MASK
1 Tomato, ripe, chopped
1 tsp Lemon juice
1 T Instant style oatmeal or old-fashioned rolled oats
Blend everything until just combined. Apply to skin, making sure the mixture is thick enough to stay on blemished areas: cheeks, forehead, or chin. If necessary, add a bit more oatmeal to thicken the mask. Leave it on for 10 minutes, then scrub it off with a clean washcloth dipped in warm water.
A Personal Injury Lawyer went to a store that sells brains.
He wanted to check a personal hypothesis. After reading a sign in the store regarding the quality of brains offered, he decides to inquire the prices of the different brains available.
"How much does a doctor's brain cost?" He asks the butcher.
"Five dollars the kilo."
"How about a waitress's brain?"
"Three bucks the kilo."
"And for a personal Injury lawyer's brain?"
"$1,000 dollars the kilo."
"Why so much?" Asks the confused lawyer.
"Well, you have no idea how many personal injuries we've had to kill to put together one kilo."
How Immigration Lawyers Do it…
Immigration Lawyers do it with taste.
Immigration Lawyers do it with high self-esteem.
Immigration Lawyers do it to get to the trial.
Immigration Lawyers do it for justice's sake.
Immigration Lawyers do it for however long there is money behind the deal.
Immigration Lawyers do it for as long as it's legal.
Satan visited a lawyer.
Satan visited a lawyer. He was interested in making him a special lawyers' offer. "If you're willing to give me one major thing, I can arrange a very special deal for you. I can multiply your income by five or even six. This way, everybody will adore you, look up to you, respect you. You'll be able to take as much vacation as you wish. Nobody will ever call you a lying, cheating lawyer ever again."
"And what do you need in return?" Asked the eager lawyer.
"In return I need your wife's soul, as well as your children's and their children's. Their souls must prevail in hell for ever and ever."
After pausing a moment, the lawyer asked, confused, "What's the catch?"
Criminal Attorney Question
What is a Criminal Attorney? Redundancy.
Tax Attorneys in Accidents
Did you hear about the Tax Attorney who was involved in a terrible accident?
An ambulance stopped suddenly.
Personal injury attorneys to change a light bulb
How many personal injury attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? Three–one to turn the bulb, one to shake the ladder and make sure the first one falls, and the third to sue the light bulb company. The first personal injury attorney will then make sure to sue the ladder company, as well.
Two kung-fu masters were carrying on about their respective skills. "Why, my reflexes are such that you will not believe," boasted Master Foo and drawing his sword, he sliced at a passing fly, which promptly dropped dead in two pieces.
"That's nothing," said Master Koh. Drawing his sword, he made two deft cuts at another passing fly.
Master Foo was highly amused. "What are you talking about?" he sneered. "That fly is still flying."
"Ah yes," replied Master Koh, "but now it can never have children."
Ah Beng, Mohammad and Muthu were at sea when they were hijacked by a group of pirates.
The pirates cornered the 3 men and said "Give us all your valuables!" The chief pirate then raised a syringe and added, "Or else we'll inject you with the AIDS virus!"
Mohammad quickly stripped off all his valuables and handed them to the pirates. Satisfied, they threw him into the sea.
Muthu was equally quick to comply with the pirates' wishes. Similarly, he removed his valuables and surrendered them to the pirates. Like Mohammad, he was thrown into the sea.
Finally it came to Ah Beng's turn. He stared at the pirates and sneered. "You all kee see lah! (go and die!) Inject, inject lah, you'll never get my lolex and my JPG warret!"
The pirates, showing no mercy, injected Ah Beng with the HIV virus, and robbed him of his precious watch and wallet. They then threw him into the sea with the rest.
In the water, both Mohammad and Muthu commended Ah Beng for his bravery. However, they were pretty perplexed by why he was unafraid of the virus. Grinning, Ah Beng answered, "AIDS I not scared, what… I got condom!!!"
Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."
The first apple went in… but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.
The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy.
1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8… and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?"
The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."
A Princeton University study has confirmed that the link between money and happiness is exaggerated and an illusion.
The researchers, which included Nobel Laureate Daniel Kahneman, examined a range of data and foud that the effect of money on mood was greatly exaggerated (i.e. bucketloads of cash won't make you happier) and was only weakly correlated with moment to moment happiness.
Which, as the study claims, raises the question of why people are so focused on getting rich and whether we have our priorities around the wrong way. As the researchers say:
"Despite the weak relationship between income and global life satisfaction or experienced happiness, many people are highly motivated to increase their income.
"In some cases, this focusing illusion may lead to a misallocation of time, from accepting lengthy commutes (which are among the worst moments of the day) to sacrificing time spent socializing (which are among the best moments of the day)."
The study adds to the mix of research confirming that link between money and happiness is dodgy. But the picture is more complicated than that.
In his book Happiness, economist Richard Layard argues that happiness is the big conundrum of the last 50 years. Average incomes have more than doubled in that period and we have more food and cars, bigger houses, central heating, better health, a shorter working week and overseas holidays.But people are no happier.
The picture gets even more complicated when you compare countries. Population surveys show that among Western industrial nations, the richer states are no happier than the poorer ones. But in the places where people are closer to the breadline, folk are downright miserable.
So are we too hooked on making money? How much is too much? Or is it like what Woody Allen once said: "Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons."
Pat and Sheena Wheaton said they decided to name their new baby "4real" shortly after having an ultrasound and being struck by the reality of his impending arrival.
"For most of us, when we try to figure out what our names mean, we have to look it up in a babies book and … there's no direct link between the meaning and the name," Pat Wheaton told TV One on Wednesday. "With this name, everyone knows what it means."
But when the parents filed the name with New Zealand's Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages, they were told names beginning with a number were against the rules.
The government office has opened negotiations with the parents about the name under a policy that says all unusual names must be given case-by-case consideration.
"The name has not at this stage been rejected," Registrar-General Brian Clarke said in a statement Thursday. "We are currently in discussions with the parents … to clarify the situation."
Clarke said the rules are designed to prevent names that are "likely to cause offense to a reasonable person." Satan and Adolf Hitler were proposed names that have been declined, he said.
If no compromise has been reached by July 9, the baby will be registered as "real," officials say.
New Zealand law requires all children born in the South Pacific nation to be registered with the Births, Deaths and Marriages registry within two months of birth.
Galadriel.
Possessing a rare combination of wisdom and humility, while serenely dominating your environment you selflessly use your powers to care for others.
Even the smallest person can change the course of the future.
Galadriel is a character in the Middle-Earth universe.
You can read more about her at the Galadriel Worshippers Army.
A rather eccentric billionaire had a very weird hobby, he had loved alligators ever since he was boy, so now that he had the money, he built a huge pool and had it filled with the creatures.
His daughter grew up and she was very beautiful. The old eccentric threw a huge party for all the eligible bachelors of the area to come to.
"I grew up tough," he told them as he brought them all to assembly by the pool of alligators,"and I want my daughter to have a husband who will be like me, fearless, willing to strike out, ready for anything. Nothing less will do for my daughter, so, whatever one of you can get in that pool, and swim through those alligators to the other side, he will win not only her hand in marriage but will inherit my billion pound business."
Suddenly there is a splash and everyone rushed forward to see a chap swimming for all his might through the raging alligators.
He emerges from the pool to great cheers and, with his best tux torn to shreds, blood mingling with the pools of water at his feet he stands breathing hard and looking every inch the warrior the billionaire wants for his daughter.
"My son-in-law to be has been found!" the billionaire shouts and rushes round the pool towards him followed by everyone else.
"Put it there!" he says to the young man and grasps his hand, "you will have my daughter, you will have my businesses, you will have all of my wealth!"
"Listen, I don't want your daughter, I don't want your businesses, I don't want your wealth. ALL I WANT IS THE B****** WHO THREW ME IN!"
A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches.
When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his
poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his
migraines and STILL no improvement.
"Listen," says the Doctor, "I have migraines, too and the advice I'm
going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school,
but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have
a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a
while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can
stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I
get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is
killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the
headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and
see me in six weeks."
Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "Doc! I took
your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for
17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!"
"Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help."
"By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "you have a REALLY nice house."
One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the driver's side door with him standing right there. "NOOO!" he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it never would be the same. Finally, a cop came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling. "MY JAGUAR DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!!!" he exclaimed. "Your a lawyer aren't you?" asked the policeman. "Yes, I am, but what does this have to do with my car?!?!" the lawyer asked. "HA! Your lawyers are always so materialistic. All you care about is your possessions. I bet you didn't even notice that your left arm is missing did you?" the cop said. The lawyer looked down at his side and exclaimed "MY ROLEX!"
At a medical convention, a male doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each other. The male doctor asks her to dinner and she accepts. As they sit down at the restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her hands.
After dinner, one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel bedroom. Just as things get hot, the female doctor interrupts and says she has to go and wash her hands. Once she comes back they go for it. After the sex session, she gets up and says she is going to wash her hands.
As she comes back the male doctor says, "I bet you are a surgeon".
She confirms and asks how he knew.
"Easy, you're always washing your hands."
She then says, "I bet you're an anesthesiologist."
Male doctor: "Wow, how did you guess?"
Female doctor: "I didn't feel a thing."
A man is eating in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous blond eating at the next table. He has been checking her out all night, but lacks the nerve to go talk to her. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of her socket towards the man. He reflexively grabs and snatches it out of the air.
"Oh my god, I am sooo sorry, " the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy you dinner to make it up to you."
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together and afterwards the woman invites him back to her place for a drink.
They go back to her house, and after a bit she leads him into the bedroom and begins undressing him. The couple have wild passionate sex over and over all night.
The next morning when he awakens, she has already gotten up and brings him breakfast in bed. The guy is amazed.
"You know, you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet."
"No, she replies….
(Wait for it….)
(It's coming………….)
(The suspense is killing you ……..)
"You just happened to catch my eye."
